Joined: Jan 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 172 Location: Charlotte, NC
Re: Out at work « Reply #45 on Jan 21, 2007, 6:31pm »
Yes jim it is a orthodox, but its not the rabbi , the rabbi and the small group of membership support us 100%.. alot of the orthodox in NY. and LA are very welcomong.. There is a very famour openly agy orthodox rabbi in NYC
Joined: Jan 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 172 Location: Charlotte, NC
Re: Out at work « Reply #46 on Jan 21, 2007, 6:35pm »
Sorta funny, That israel the land of g-d is the only middle east country in the world that gives us full rights.. We can serve in the military openly police etc etc.. You would think other coutries would see someting from that
Joined: Aug 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 4,259 Location: New York
Re: Out at work « Reply #48 on Jan 24, 2007, 12:02pm »
<<<Surprisingly, I've become friends with an a die-hard Conservative who has 7 kids. I've never come out and told the whole class "HEY EVERYONE I'M GAY!" but I talk about "my partner" just like they do their wives. I think at first many of them didn't know what to make of me, especially one latent gay guy (CUTE!), but now it doesn't seem to be much of an issue with anyone. >>>
This is probably one of the most effective ways of making progress towards breaking down those barriers that help people out of that neanderthal way of thinking about gays. I've always said this. Just talk about your partner or spouse as a straight person would about a husband or wife and continue on to the next topic. Don't give people the time to react negatively. They almost have no choice but to process and accept what you said. And as it turns out, what you said becomes "no big deal". Isn't that what we want?? I think so, or at least this is what I've been hearing since I was a teenager. Little things like this are what ultimately helps our cause. Not sounding a trumpet before making the big announcement, "I'm GAY!!". I think that only tends to alienate people who otherwise would've thought it wasn't a big deal. The less of a big deal it is, the better. Which is not to say that you should hide who you are. There's a big difference. Good work, as always, Jamie!
Joined: Dec 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 138 Location: North Alabama
Re: Out at work « Reply #50 on Jan 25, 2007, 4:02am »
I have been going through different stages with addressing it. I rarely bring it up but my co-workers do. They usually ask how Jason2 is doing and some of them come hang out at the house (since we are hermits and we never go anywhere-Scott can attest to this). They are like brothers to me. The reserves are like cousins (don't see them everyday) so every once in a while I have to answer questions about it from them. A reserve (auxilary officer) was with me the other day and he brought it up. For a couple of years now I have heard people say the same thing...we don't understand it, don't agree with it, but we still love ya. He said something to that effect and I guess I had enough. I told him that we had been friends for years and I don't understand why he is left handed and I didn't agree with his haircut. And oh yeah, gluttony is a sin. So I guess I love you sinner, just hate your sin. He understood my point and realized he had said something he wouldn't say to a non-gay.
[YmP:http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q169/anothercenturion/Sgt20White2C20J.gif]Those who fight monsters should take care lest the become monsters themselves
Joined: Nov 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 1,696 Location: Central Indiana
Re: Out at work « Reply #51 on Jan 25, 2007, 12:07pm »
You go, sister Jason 1! hehehe
Every so often I get the old, "Well won't you just try being with *insert some female's name here* once, you might just like it." I always counter back with, well I'll try messing with her if you have sex with *insert some male's name here*!" That normally either ends that conversation, or gets a response of, "Well, nevermind then." Either way it works.
Joined: Aug 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 4,259 Location: New York
Re: Out at work « Reply #53 on Nov 15, 2011, 5:10pm »
Coming out in the workplace
From the Irish Times:
A new study reveals the factors that influence whether or not LGB workers disclose their sexual orientation at work, writes BRIAN McINTYRE
COFFEE-BREAK chats are welcome diversions to a working day. Mug in hand, most workers feel little need to tread carefully as they banter, or verbally edit themselves, while recounting a weekend story involving a boyfriend or girlfriend.
However, for those among the 38 per cent of lesbian, gay and bisexual (LGB) workers who, according to my recent research, are not fully “out” at work, coffee breaks can be a little less diverting.
“It can be tough, constantly avoiding using pronouns and watching what I say,” writes one partnered lesbian teacher who is not out for professional reasons. Her story is one of many in my recent research, which helps sketch the dynamics of a highly personal decision – whether or not to come out at work.
During last winter, 590 LGB workers participated in an online, anonymous survey exploring the psychological dynamics of disclosure. To my knowledge, it is the first completed research in Ireland directly in the area.
Although the work has limitations because participants are more urban and more educated than the general population, its findings are nonetheless instructive. Importantly, they are relevant to all people in the workplace, irrespective of sexual orientation.
Most studies from the US point to the psychological benefits of coming out at work. They find evidence that coping strategies for those who are not out (for example, pretending to be straight; allowing others to assume heterosexuality) are energy-draining and can lead to lower levels of personal happiness and commitment to work.
This has led to a broad assumption among experts, and perhaps by popular culture as well, that the decision to come out is always desirable. In contrast, not coming out may sometimes be judged negatively, as hinted by the term “closeted”. This is unfortunate, as every disclosure decision should be equally respected.
This Irish research finds that the majority of LGB workers are out at work – 62 per cent of participants were out to most/all; 38 per cent, an important minority, were out to some/none. Several reasons for not coming out in the Irish workplace are offered by participants: many describe a fear that disclosure will have negative consequences for either their careers or reputations; others see their orientation as something they wish to keep private, as opposed to secret; some assert that coming out is an out-of-date concept that they have transcended.
Gay men and lesbians come out at work to the same extent; there is no significant difference between the two groups. Bisexual workers, however, are 50 per cent less likely to be out than their gay or lesbian counterparts.
COMING OUT/BEING OUT AT WORK « Reply #55 on Jan 1, 2012, 12:54pm via the ProBoards Mobile App »
I just came out to everyone. I work for the Feds, discrimination laws protect me there. BTW I live in Canada.
Around the 10th of December I just decided it was time. It sort of like quitting smoking, you think about it and sooner or later it becomes important. So I wrote this long email, on a Sunday morning. It explained some of the discrimination I faced: I was not accepted into RCMP as I was probably a gay. Funny thing is, I wasn't sure. Life went on and I was busy in the process of coming out, I had moved West to free myself of distractions. I was pretty much on the way completely out when AIDS came along. I sort of gave up on meeting anyone. I was picked up by my now ex-wife in a bar. Wound up married with a son. I think that for a couple of years I can honestly say I was on the straighter side of the Kinsey scale. But, the wife was on days and I was on shift work. A lot of alone time. That is not good. The relationship went South. I moved out, I was in the process of coming out again but I was also in a new job in Immigration. I was kind of moving up fast, so I put my private life in a box.
I have been separated/divorced since 1996. I have never had a long term relationship. I always figured I'd do the deed when I had one. This year, I saw it as just an excuse. I have to be true to myself, smile again. Lose the Pink Elephant I have been dragging around. The repeal of DADT was inspiration for me, Matthew Phelps taking a male date to Marine Birthday Ball was the trigger. The Fire Department and what they would think/do was the stopper. I AMA volunteer firefighter as well as an intel officer.
Back to the email. When I smoked, I always quit on a Monday. I went into work and sent it in waves to various closer work mates. Most were women, I got a lot of hugs. I saw a lot of tears, I am not a true romantic, the end of Beautiful Thing gets me and so does Shelter. But being closeted is a pretty good impaired of feelings/emotions.
In my day job, I start investigations, I deal with a lot of enforcement type officers, mainly by phone. They don't know yet, but they will. I came out to a lot of people at work on that Monday, my Sup face to face.That night, the email went to my Dad, who lives 3000 miles away; my brother who lives somewhere in either LA or Singapore. They responded, a couple of hours later it was ok with them. I don't recommend email, the delay is like death.
My son and I went to Supper on Tuesday, I had to tell him face to face. We had a beer, then ordered food. I kept thinking when is the best time to tell him. I finally said it when we we were eating. He said 'I sort of suspected' he said he did for 8 years, the lack of girlfriends was a clue. Phew I was on top of the world.
My Chief is away at a major event. I wanted to come out to him, so that he could do what Chiefs do. I was all set to resign from FD. I had to do it, I live in a small town, coming out in the office was going to get out. I went and saw a Deputy Chief and came out. I had all my kit in the car. He said, so what. He said that it is not an issue and if someone tried to make it one, they would have to deal with him.
It has only been a couple of weeks, so far no problems. I am still waiting for something bad to happen, some redneck to explode. But I know that it will be just a thing, it will go away. It's nice to be able to joke with the women at work. Last night I was at a party and I guess gay guys can dance better. I felt like I was on stage.
2012 is going to be good. To other members of the community, when the weight goes away, it feels damned good.
Joined: Aug 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 4,259 Location: New York
Re: COMING OUT/BEING OUT AT WORK « Reply #56 on Jan 1, 2012, 5:28pm »
Greg, you've come to the right place! In addition to numerous members who've been in your shoes and have talked about it, we also have members who are trained in professional counseling regarding the coming out process. It's different for everyone but everyone has similarities when it comes to the process. And if you have questions or can offer advice, it would be really appreciated.
COMING OUT/BEING OUT AT WORK « Reply #57 on Jan 11, 2012, 11:32pm via the ProBoards Mobile App »
Well, you know how guys are. It has to be either said to them personally, one on one or they hear the gossip. Today we had a call. A guy in a pickup missed a bridge, he must have been texting. He wound up in the water. We rescued him, he lived.
When we got back to the hall, i had to piss like a race horse. I went to the can and came back out to the bays. I opened the door and a pretty serious conversation was going on. The main speaker said, that it would be short and nodded towards me. They stopped. I went to rack to get my stuff to leave and then all of sudden there were a pile of dick size jokes. The last I heard was girth was better than length. I have heard these for a long time, straight guys do this alot. Anyway, the main speaker was a guy I thought would be coolest about it. Oh well.
One thing though, in this period of adjustment, I think I have become ultra sensitive. I just have to learn to bite my tongue. Women appear to be better at testing how you are doing then men are. They are always checking up on me. My family has been incommunicado since before Xmas.
Ending on a big positive, they lost their hope at power. I really don't care if they like fags or not. There are only 2 of them I'd even think about in a guy on guy way. And they are both cool about it. This is like when you quit smoking and get the little urges. Nothing major. Can't go back in closet - lol
Joined: Nov 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 1,696 Location: Central Indiana
Re: COMING OUT/BEING OUT AT WORK « Reply #58 on Jan 24, 2012, 11:19am »
It's weird that sometimes the guys/gals that are supportive end up saying things/joking that come out wrong/bad even though they are trying to be cool. And sometimes the ones that are NOT supportive will try to work in funny comments that they can pass off as jokes, but are really just barbs thrown under the guise of joking. Like with decisions on the job, you have to figure out the totality of the circumstances of what anyone says sometimes to figure out if its ok or not.
I've joked with many on my shift for a while now, and most are pretty cool with it. In fact, it's most often one of them that "goes there." I just respond and keep the humor flowing. But now one of my mortal enemies on the dep.t, a bigoted piece of gutter trash, is my new LT. So at some point I may have to let the others know that jokes may have to be curbed when he is around. I don't want to afford him the opportunity to make stabs masked as jokes to try to pass himself off as being o.k. with me. But I guess that's something that we all will have to feel out and deal with as it goes.
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